The Virginia Blogs: Up Your's*, Martha Stewart.

I've been trying to find new and interesting things to cook for dinner. One cannot live on steak'um and hamburger alone. The majority of these aren't bad.
They go into regular rotation, and we merrily move along. Not Tonight.

I find them in various and interesting places, usually from either a friend or at Epicurious. On occasion we also get a few from a magazine. Real Simple, Kraft Foods, Martha Stewart Living or Blueprint. This one was, clearly, from MS.

It was called Barley Risotto with Shrimp and Peas.

First, let's start with the barley. I've cooked barley exactly once, and that's including tonight. I had to start soaking it last night.

Then, shrimp. Our local grocery store had shrimp on sale, buy one get TWO free. Great. I grabbed three bags and I should have know better. THey were shell-them-yourself-and-take-out-the-second-vein-on-your-own. I got home at 4:30 and starte shelling the stupid 1/2 lb I needed right away. Took me nearly 40 minutes. Grr.

Next, I chopped the onion. Then I started on the chicken stock. SIX cups of chicken stock. It was more than I had in the house, so I cheated and used buillion. Fine. I started cooking the stock into the barely.

And cooked the stock into the barley.

And cooked the stock into the barley.

AND cooked the stock into the barley.

AND COOKED the STOCK into the BARLEY.

AND COOKED THE STOCK INTO THE BARLEY.

AND COOKED THE STOCK INTO THE BARLEY!

Ms. Stewart reports that it takes about 35 minutes to cook the stock into the barley.

Ms. Stewart is either a) a magician, b) a liar.

It took me nearly an hour and half to cook the 6 cups of stock into the barley. I was pissed. It was now nearly 7 p.m. I super hungry and super tired and just wanted to eat.

I tossed the rest of the ingredients in and cooked it up. I slopped in into some dishes and called Tom to the table. I looked at him as I sat down and I said, "This better taste good for all the damn work I put into this."

There were a few silent bites from both of us, and I looked at him.

"What do you think?"

Silence. Then, "I'm not loving it."

I sighed. "Neither am I. What don't you like?"

Tom: "This... uh... creamy texture."

Jenn: "I would call it gooey."

Tom: "That would work too."

Jenn: "Wendy's?"

Tom: "Yeah, that'll do."

I rescued the shrimp from the rest of the "risotto" and threw the remained in the trash-- right on top of the recipe.

I'll find some nice jarred alfredo and have myself some fettucine and shrimp.

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*Actual words used may have varied.