Coq au Vin for 2

I have loved Coq au Vin since freshman year of high school. Madame Freeling took us to the French Embassy in NY and there was a restaurant, attached or next door I can't remember. I do remember she was proud of all of the student who stepped out of their comfort zones to try real French dishes. There were a handful of us who went for the Coq au Vin and I was hooked.

I've ordered it on and off in places I suspected could actually make it, including Paris and a French restaurant in London. 

So, when I took my first bite of this, and it was better--YES BETTER--than the dish I had in Paris, I was floored. 

This is going into rotation. But as a treat. The original recipe at Garlic & Zest says 4 hours, and they aren't kidding! 

Alternately, if you don't have a Dutch oven (which you should, my Lodge cast iron was $50) you can do this in an Instant Pot. Follow all the directions, in a heavy saute pan, and then transfer to the IP for 45 minutes. Remove the chicken, and finish with the beurre marnier in the same saute pan. 

ENJOY! 

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COQ AU VIN for 2

Ingredients

- 1 bottle drinkable red wine - burgundy, beaujolais, cabernet would work well-- I used a cabernet. 

- 4 slices bacon chopped

- 4 chicken thighs excess skin and fat trimmed OR 2 bone-in, skin-on breasts, large

- 2 carrots peeled and diced 

- 1 stalk celery diced

- 1/2 yellow onion diced

- 1/3 cup dried porcini mushrooms

- 1 cup button mushrooms quartered or large chunks

- 2 tablespoons tomato paste

- 1 cup chicken broth

- 5 sprigs fresh thyme

- 2 stems rosemary

- 1 cup frozen pearl onions

- kosher salt

- freshly ground black pepper

beurre marnier

- 1 tablespoon butter, room temperature 

- 1 tablespoon flour

Directions

(Buckle up... this is a lot of steps)

1. Preheat oven to 300 degrees.

2. Pour the wine into a sauce pan. Bring to a boil and reduce heat to a moderate bubble. Cook until wine is reduced to 1 1/2 cups -- about 15 minutes. Set aside.

3.
a. Chop your bacon, veggies, your mushrooms.
b. Tie thyme and rosemary with a piece of kitchen string. Set aside.
c. Add dried porcini mushrooms to a clean coffee grinder or spice grinder. Pulse until a fine powder is formed. Set aside.

4. Set a dutch oven or heavy pot over a medium to medium low heat. Add bacon and cook until browned and crisp. With a slotted spoon transfer bacon to a dish lined with paper towels to absorb excess grease.

5. Sprinkle chicken with 1/2 teaspoon each salt and pepper. Add chicken, skin side down to the hot dutch oven. Cook 4-5 minutes until browned. Using tongs, turn chicken and brown the other side for an additional 3-4 minutes. Transfer chicken to a tray. Reserve two tablespoons of grease and discard the rest. If you don't have enough, add a tbls of butter.

6. Add celery, carrot and chopped onion to the pot. Cook 3-4 minutes until slightly softened. Transfer vegetables to a small bowl. Add the white mushrooms and cook until browned, stirring occasionally. Remove from heat.

7. Add vegetables back to the pot. Add tomato paste and cook and stir until vegetables are well coated and tomato paste is fragrant, 3 to 4 minutes. Stir in 2 tablespoons of the mushroom powder.

8. Add wine reduction and tied herbs to the vegetables. Mix. Add the chicken broth and stir to combine. Add pearl onions and salt and pepper to taste. If you'd like, add the chopped bacon.

9. Add chicken back to the pot and nestle the thighs (skin side up) into the braising liquid. Put the lid tightly on the pot and place in the oven. Cook for two hours.

10. Meanwhile, in a small bowl add the butter and flour. Using the back of a fork, mash them together to form a paste -- (this is called a beurre marnier).

11. Remove pot from the oven and place on the stove. Remove the chicken pieces and transfer them to a plate. WARNING: This chicken is super tender, fall off the bone. Remove the herb bundle and discard. Skim any excess grease off the top of the braising liquid.

12. Add the beurre marnier to the dutch oven over medium high heat and cook, stirring frequently until mixture thickens and creates a thinner gravy -- about 2-3 minutes. Remove from heat. Add the chicken back to the pot. Let simmer about 4 to 5 minutes. 

Serve with Mashed potatoes, mashed cauliflower or over noodles--but the mashed is best. 

Foodie: Pho Ga

Chicken Pho (Pho Ga) 

Rating: Just get a funnel and pour this in my mouth

Bonus: Three good nights in a row! 

I've tried a few recipes for this over the years--and the one in the Instant Pot was a disgusting disaster--and this is just consistently the best. It's a bit intense, but still took me just about an hour. 

Ingredients:

2 lbs chicken breast

3 star anise

3 cloves

1 tbsp coriander seeds

8 cups chicken stock

1 small onion

1 ginger (2-inch)

2 tbsp fish sauce

1/2 oz rock sugar

8 oz dry flat rice noodles

Garnish:

2 cup beansprouts, washed and drained

coriander leaves or cilantro

mints leaves

basil leaves

lime wedges

Thai red chili, thinly sliced

scallion, thinly sliced

onion or red onion, thinly sliced

fish sauce

chili sauce or sriracha sauce

hoisin sauce

Instructions:

Broil ginger and onion in the oven until they are starting to char. Or place them directly over the flame of gas stove. Use tong or grill fork and turning it occasionally until they are fragrant, softened and charred. When they are cooled, peel and discard any blackened skin. Smash the ginger lightly with pestle or Chinese cleaver. Set aside.

In a skillet, toast star anise, coriander seeds and cloves over medium heat until fragrant. Remove from the heat to avoid burning.

In a large pot, place ginger, onion, toasted spices, and chicken stock. Bring it to a boil. Toss in chicken breast. When the stock is bubbling, immediately lower the heat to a gentle simmer. Add in fish sauce and rock sugar. Let it simmer about 20 minutes. Use ladle to skim off any foam and scum that rises to the surface. Remove chicken breast and rinse it under cold water. Drain well.

Strain the broth and discard any solids. Skin fat from the surface as much as you like. Then taste and adjust to your liking. Add more sugar or salt if it's needed.

Shred chicken breast into thin strip. Cover with plastic wrap and set aside.

Soak rice noodles in water for about 20 minutes or until they are pliable. Then drain it. In a pot, bring water to boil. Then toss in drained noodle into a rolling boil water. When the noodles have softened, immediately remove from the heat. Rinse noodles under cold running water and then drain it. Set aside.

Reheat broth into a boil then reduce the heat into gentle simmer. Meanwhile assemble the noodle in individual serving bowls.

Place noodles in serving bowls, top with chicken, cilantro, scallions and onion. Pour hot broth into bowl and serve immediately. Add your favorite garnishes and sauces. Enjoy.

Foodie: Negimaki and Miso Soup

It's Japanese Night

Rating: Please, sir, may I have some more?

We love and adore all kinds of Asian food, and being on a bit of a tight budget right now, we can't really go out for dinner. So I opted to try and make the negimaki at home. 

Flank steak, one of the hub's favorite cuts of meat, is now rare and expensive. Thanks COVID. In a stroke of genius, while I was staring at the meats in Shop Rite, I thought: Why can't I use the bracciole cuts? And there was no reason given that I could not. So I did. And it worked! 

There are other recipes out there that have you rolling these delicious little bites with things line asparagus. Uh, that's literally not negimaki. When you translate the word, it means scallion roll. So those other recipes? They lie. 

Now. A word: If you don't have an Asian Market nearby (we have a marvelous H-Mart), you might have to order some of these things off the internets. I'm sorry, but really America-- mirin should be a staple. 

Warning! Marinade (but only 15 minutes) 

Negamaki Recipe Here | Miso Soup Recipe Here 

BEEF NEGIMAKI
(please scroll down for Miso Soup!) 

Chef's tools: 

Cutting board

Sharp knife

Plastic wrap

Meat pounder OR heavy-bottomed pot (if using flank) 

Toothpicks

Small bowl

Whisk

Small baking dish

Large, deep skillet or cast iron pan 

Ingredients: 

1 ½ pounds flank steak OR thin cut bracciole beef

1 bunch scallions trimmed and cut in half

½ cup soy sauce

⅓ cup (Mizkan) Mirin

1/4 cup granulated sugar

1 Tablespoon grated ginger

1 Tablespoon vegetable or canola oil

2 cups of cooked white rice

Instructions:

If you are using FLANK: (otherwise, skip this) 

SLICE AND POUND THE STEAK:

Unwrap the steak, trim it, pat it dry with paper towels, and then place it on a plate. Put the steak in the freezer for 30 minutes.

Freeze the meat on a plate for 30 minutes.

After 30 minutes, thinly slice the steak against the grain on an angle into pieces 1 ½ to 2 inches wide and ½ to 1 inch in thickness. 

Place three pieces of meat on a piece of parchment or plastic wrap. Top with another piece of parchment or plastic wrap. 

Place the meat between pieces of plastic wrap.

Pound the meat so that it is about 3/16-inch in thickness. Repeat with the remaining pieces of meat. 

Pound the meat with the bottom of a heavy pot until it's 3/16-inches thick.

MAKE ROLLS:

Layer 3 pieces of meat on a cutting board to create a 7 to 8-inch square. 

Arrange 3 pieces of meat into a square.

Lay 3 scallions, with the white parts facing out, on the meat. (I would double the scallions!) 

Starting with the bottom edge, roll the meat and scallions into a tight cylinder. Secure the roll with three toothpicks. Repeat with the remaining beef and scallions. 

Place the scallions on the bottom of the meat square and roll into a cylinder.

MAKE MARINADE & MARINADE ROLLS:

In a small bowl, whisk together soy sauce, mirin, sugar, and ginger. 

Whisk together the sauce ingredients.

Place the rolls in a baking dish and pour the marinade over the meat rolls. Turn the rolls to coat in the marinade. Let them sit in the marinade at room temperature for 15 minutes. 

Place the rolls in a baking dish and pour the sauce over it.

COOK ROLLS:

Add oil to a large skillet and heat over medium-high heat. Remove the rolls from the marinade and place them into the hot skillet (set the marinade aside, you'll need it later).

For medium-rare Negimaki, cook for 5-6 minutes, turning occasionally. For Medium cook for 6-7 minutes, and medium-well for 7-8 minutes. 

Cook the rolls for 6-7 minutes on the stovetop.

Remove the rolls from the pan and tent with foil on a cutting board. 

MAKE SAUCE:

Add remaining marinade to the hot pan and cook until it has reduced and is syrupy, about 2 minutes (the sauce will thicken as it cools).

Place the sauce in a saucepan and heat until thickened and saucy.

FINISH ROLLS:

Remove the toothpicks from the rolls and slice each roll into 4-5 pieces. Arrange the sliced rolls on a plate and serve with sauce, rice, and a sprinkling of sesame seeds (optional). 

5 negimaki rolls on a plate with rice.

 

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WHITE MISO SOUP

Note: I don't like onions in my miso soup. I simply skipped that and went with the dashi and miso. 

Ingredients: 

1 large onion, thinly sliced

4 cups water

1 tablespoon dashi granules

3–4 tablespoons white, red or awase miso paste

Ichimi togarashi (optional)

Add 4 cups of water, onions and dashi granules to a pot and bring to a boil.

Lower the heat, cover and cook for about 10 minutes, until the onions are tender.

Place the miso paste in a colander and lower it into the pot until enough water covers the miso paste.

Using chopsticks, swirl the paste until it completely dissolves into the soup. Try not to boil it. 

Turn the heat off, and serve. 

Optional Additions! 
To me, it's not Miso Soup unless it has tofu and scallions. I love wakame too, but I didn't have fresh on hand. (Just dried nori sheets for sushi.) 

Tofu

Green onions (scallions)

Seaweed (wakame)

Deep-fried tofu pouches (aburaage)

Eggplant

Daikon

Shimeji mushrooms

Okra

Kabocha squash

Potato

Carrot

Cabbage

Spinach

Foodie: Garlic Butter Steak

Garlic Butter Steak 

Rating: Holy crap, can I eat this all the time? 

I'm not very good with steak. I have an idea of what it should taste like and what the mouthfeel should be and miss consistently. I'm also not a well done person, so I also screw that up. I have been getting better, and this ... well. This was the proof positive that I'm finally getting it. 

There are a couple of cut options for this (ribeye, chuck, flank, tenderloin) and I went with the tenderloin tips I was able to find at the store. Thanks, COVID. 

This has a marinade! Be aware, I didn't and it kind of messed up my timing. I also halved the recipe with no issues at all--but I left the full amount garlic. 

You can never have too much garlic. 

Original Recipe Here

Ingredients 

• 1 1/2 lb (650g) flank steak, sliced against the grain (or ribeye steak, tenderloin, strip loin, strip steak…)
• 1 1/2 lb (650g) baby yellow potatoes, quartered
• 1 tablespoon olive oil
• 3 tablespoons butter, divided
• 5 garlic cloves, minced
• 1 teaspoon fresh thyme, chopped
• 1 teaspoon fresh rosemary, chopped
• 1 teaspoon fresh oregano, chopped
• Salt and fresh cracked pepper
• Crushed red chili pepper flakes, optional

The marinade

• 1/3 cup soy sauce (or coconut amino for paleo and gluten-free)
• 1 tablespoon olive oil
• 1 tablespoon hot sauce (we used Sriracha)
• Fresh cracked pepper

Directions:

1.  In a large bowl, combine the steak strips with soy sauce, olive oil, pepper, and hot sauce. Set aside and allow steak strips to marinate while you cook potatoes.

2. In a large skillet over medium-high heat, mix 1 tablespoon olive oil and 1 tablespoon butter. When butter is melted, add potatoes wedges. Cook for about 4 minutes, stir and cook an additional 4-5 minutes until potatoes wedges are golden and fork-tender. Transfer sauteed potatoes to a plate and set aside.

3. Keep the same skillet over medium heat and add remaining 2 tablespoons butter, garlic, red chili pepper flakes, and fresh herbs. Lay the steak strips in one layer in the skillet, keeping the drained steak marinade for later. Cook the steak strips on each side for 1 minute each, until nicely browned – adjust timing depending on how you like your steak. (I did one minute initially for my cubes, and just got them to brown after that. DO NOT WALK AWAY; they will go well done real quick.) 

4. Right before the Garlic Butter steak is done, you can stir in the reserved marinade if you like, and cook for one minute. Add the potatoes wedges back to the garlic butter steak pan and heat through. Adjust seasoning with salt and pepper if necessary.

5. Remove from heat and serve immediately your steak and potatoes, garnished with more crushed chili pepper, fresh herbs, and a sprinkle of parmesan cheese over the potatoes if you like. Enjoy!

Corolla is no more...

I completely forgot to post about this. I guess I was too upset and there was too much going on when it happened...

It was an plain Thursday morning in June when I got a call at work from Tom that he had been in an accident. On the PA Turnpike. That caused a five care 'pile up'.

How I didn't pass out when I heard that, I'll never know.

I couldn't figure out what was going on because he was on the phone on the side of the PA Turnpike. I couldn't even be sure that he was going to be able to get a ride home from the side of the road. So I went flying out the door.

As I got closer to home, the story started to come together. There was heavy traffic on the road, and it was stop and go. And this particular time, Tom went when he should have stopped. He slammed the breaks so hard and yanked the wheel so hard, he had pushed the Corolla down and under the Murano in front of him. That pushed the Murano into the car in front of her and so on for three more cars.

No one was hurt. It wasn't so much a pile up as a domino chain. And the truck driver who towed the car gave him a ride home because it happened to be Bob's Trucking and Towing about a mile from the house.

But I lost my Blue Baby. It didn't looks so bad from the front when I saw it.



Really, I had hope she could be saved when I first saw her. But then, I got closer:





By the time I got to this point, I really doubted that this wasn't going to be a total. There was a spring missing. I still can't figure out where the hell the spring went-- Tom was convinced that it was on the side of the road because he tripped over one. I was so, so sad. This was my baby. This was my first new car that I bought and paid for and took care of to the best of my ability. She only had 156,000 miles on her, and we all know the Toyotas, if they are cared for, will give you double that easy. Hell, the car I traded in for her was at 215,000.

But now, no more Corolla. And no car for Tom to use.

We tried being a 1-car family for about 3 weeks while all of this went on. This was NO happening. Tom had doctors appointments and I was teaching after work and not getting home until 10:30 or later 2 or 3 nights a week. I didn't want him feeling trapped, and I didn't want him to be beholden to my schedule or me to is.

The hunt was on!

Well, ok. The Craig's List/CarMax/AutoTrader hunt was on.

We actually wound up test driving three different cars:

A Camry Solara, bright silver, which was really really pretty, but the Carfax was... lacking somehow. And I hated the brakes. The mileage was high for a 2002, and I really didn't like the brakes. The salesman seemed unwilling to drop down for the brakes I knew would have to be looked at and probably fixed.

A Mazda 620, gold. It was OK. It didn't grab me. Everything was OK with it, mechanically, carfax-wise and visually. But again, I had issues with the brakes and I just wasn't feeling it.

A Camry, silver. Winner!!



This little gem was something we totally lucked into. Totally. 2000, in near pristine condition in and out. Carfax, from before it was driven off the lot. Brakes were within acceptable range. Low mileage for an 11 year old car. We were nervous that people were going to buy it before we could get there. So I actually called the dealership and made an appointment. We were a little early and they were just pulling it out of their car wash because the mechanic had just cleared it and finished it up that afternoon.

And the salesman said he had already had a half dozen calls about it. He told us that a month before they had a gentleman fly up from TEXAS to buy a Camry in basically the same condition as this one sight unseen. We took it for a drive, and Tom loved it. I loved it.

That was the second large check I've ever written-- but I'm glad we could because now we don't have another car payment for a perfectly awesome car. There's nothing small about the Silver Bullet here, though. She's a big big car, but she's a good good car. We lucked out.

Mighty Meaty Manly Meatballs!

I stumbled across this recipe the other day:

And you try to tell me that you don't want to know more about those meatballs.

https://www.esquire.com/food-drink/a24664/best-meatball-recipe/

As awesome as these are, there were things in there I couldn't do. For example, veal. I don't do veal. I wasn't too keen on the idea of milk in my meatballs. However, I followed the basic idea of the recipe- as in baking them. I even went a step further and used them to make a tomato/red gravy/sauce*. Here's my interpretation of the meatballs. And my friends, it is REALLY worth it, either with the original or my alterations.

Manly Meaty Meatballs:

2lbs 80/20 ground beef (make sure you use 80/20!)
1 lb ground pork
1/2 lb pancetta or thick cut bacon, minced
2 eggs
1/3 cup finely diced yellow onion
8 garlic cloves, minced
1 tsp salt
1 tbls of adobo**
1/3 cup finely grated Parmigiano-Reggiano
1/2 cup bread crumbs

24 oz can of tomato puree
14 oz can of tomato sauce, unseasoned
12 oz can of tomato paste
1/4 cup oregano (you can absolutely decrease this-- I'm a huge fan)
1 tbls garlic power
2 cloves of garlic minced
2 tbls basil
1 tsp bay leaf
salt to taste
It's best to use dried herbs for this because it's not going simmer on the stove/in a crockpot like it should be.

First, on the stove:
Combine the tomato products with the herbs and blend it well; make sure the paste blends through- there should be no lumps. Allow this to heat through for about 1/2 an hour before proceeding to the second part.

Preheat the oven to 350*F

Second:
Mix the meat and eggs together by hand. It's squishy. Deal.
Add the onion and garlic, and mix well.
Add the rest of the ingredients and mix well.

Now:
In a 13X9 pan with high sides (or use a dutch oven if you have it), take a ladle or two of your gravy/sauce and coat the bottom.
Using an ice cream scoop, make the meatballs. Pack them well; you want to get rid of the air in them. Now pop it out and make sure it's round. repeat with all meat in the bowl. I got about 25 meatballs out of this.
Ladle the gravy/sauce over the meatball. Cover them with the sauce-- make sure there are no exposed parts of the meatballs.

Put the pan in the oven, uncovered and cooked for 1 1/2 to 2 hours. Mine were ready in 1 1/2.

Serve alone with crusty bread or over a little spaghetti. There should be WAY more tomato sauce than you need. Freeze or refrigerate for future use. I hope yours is as good as mine. Best Meatballs Ever.

My picture is coming; I'm using an old camera with a CompactFlash card and I have to go find the cord to up load the shot. I also meant to Pin This to Pinterest last week so that I could have for my October challenge, but I messed up. I won't count it, but I WILL share it.

_______________________________________
*I hate getting into the argument about sauce and gravy, so I always refer to it this way. However, in my house it's always tomato sauce.
**I love adobo. I use it everywhere for everything.

So You Want to Hear the Story?

It's October 1st and we're officially moved completely into our new place. I didn't want to tell the story until we had handed in the keys for a reason. Here's the story:

Our neighbor, let's call him SD*, filed a complaint about Tom's smoking probably within six weeks of moving in. Tom was on the deck smoking at this time; our whole point of getting a deck/terrace/whatever was so that he didn't have to go outside in the weather to have a cigarette**. We realize we're new and we should try to keep the peace. I'm that kind of person.

Tom moves his smoking area downstairs and outside. Away from SD's windows.

SD complains again. He can still smell the smoke. So, Tom moves again. This time out near the parking lots, far away from SD.

This time, SD and another neighbor complains about the smoke. They say they can smell the smoke from the parking lot. I swear, SD must me Steve Austin*** at this point.

But then I realize, as I'm sitting on the deck one day that I smell cigarette smoke and Tom is asleep on the couch inside. What the...? I lean over the railing and voila! The home health aid downstairs**** is sitting on their patio smoking. Well now, there's our problem. They are confusing the smoke! No wonder... Next time we get a complaint (which at this point I had NO delusions that we wouldn't) I would explain the mix up and all would be right in the world.

I'll mention here that Tom's health started to decline a bit more with each complaint. He was becoming more and more paranoid, and really can you blame him? He couldn't step out of the house without someone watching him? Not cool man, not cool. We're working on that with the doctors. So...

Tra-la-la-la-la.

I walk in about six weeks ago and Tom hands me a letter. You know what it is: our neighbors have been complaining about his smoking. They can't open their windows because of his smoking.

They are complaining about butts in the mulch.

And now they are complaining that he's coughing.

IN THE HOUSE.

In the f*ing house.

Yes my friends, we are not allowed to cough in the house now. They said that it's all the time, all day and night. Which it's not. It's after he has a cigarette and on occasion randomly (much more like a serious throat clearing than a cough at that point).

He is, of course, steamed. Royally. He's already left the deck because of complaint number one. He's moved his smoking mainly to the parking lot on the request of another neighbor. Even that's not enough. And now they are complaining about his coughing IN THE HOUSE. Are you f*ing kidding me.

I take the letter and tell Tom to stay put. He's liable to rip someone's head off if I let him handle it. That's not to say that I'm not ready to remove major body parts through small orifices, but I have a better track record of staying calm.

I walk over to the office and the first question that I ask is "Where can he smoke?" She totally dodges the question and starts in with some existential bullcrap. I interrupted her and said, "Ok, you didn't answer the question. Where can he smoke?" She points to the park and then to the woods behind the buildings. "Either of those are fine." Well no they're not because the park is closed from dusk to dawn, and since we're under a drought warning, the woods are a really bad idea. Kidding me?

I also pointed out that the downstairs caretakers from the Woods Services (Mental Institute for low functioning people) smoke outside all the time. Her answer? "Oh they've been here for years."

I'm getting a feel for how this is going to fall out.

I mention the cigarette butts in the mulch and before she can say a thing, I hold up finger to hush her. "This is a flat out lie. There are no butts in the mulch. I watched 60 apartment units burn to the ground for lack of a proper disposal system. There is a container in front of our door for just that reason. So whomever told you that is lying." She wanted to say something, but I repeated, "Lying."

So, then we get into the coughing. I said, "What exactly do you expect me to do about that? It's a biological function that was exacerbated by his bacterial pneumonia. I can't make him stop coughing."

"Isn't there a medication he can take?"

"No, this isn't that kind of cough. It's from his lungs."

"Why isn't he here?"

I thought to myself, because I don't want to have to visit him in jail. I answered, "He's at home in a Xanax induced sleep because this letter" *wave wave wave* "got him that upset."

So we banter back and forth another minute and I can tell she completely thinks that I'm going to tell him to just stop coughing. Or that I would be embarrassed by his coughing. She said something about the neighbors having the right to personal peace (or some other such made up term) and that his coughing was disturbing them. I repeated, he can't help it. It's a cough. What it was an elderly person with emphysema? How can you complain about coughing-- I know how bad it is. I sleep in the same room with him.

"How can you stand the coughing? how do you sleep through it?"

"Because he doesn't cough all the time. And don't you think I want him to stop coughing? Don't you think I worry about his health?"

"How do you sleep with him?"

Holy blank evil stare, Batman. What went through my head: Did you just question how I can sleep in the same room with my own husband? He's my husband you dumb _____. How do you think I do it? I close my eyes and fall asleep. He doesn't cough all night. What I said: "I just do."

"So what are we going to do about this? I can't have this because I'm going to have mass exodus of residents."

I stared at her a good long minute. "Well, I can see that there is no hope for a middle ground. I propose this: release us from the lease with NO fees, and I mean no fees, and return our deposit, and we'll move out within two months."

Not even a heartbeat's hesitation later, she answers me, "I can't call the main office right now, they're closed. I can get back to you tomorrow."

"Fine. But there can be NO lease break fees at all and the deposit must be returned to us."

And so, we wound up waiting the weekend to find out if we were going to be released from the lease. We spent the weekend looking at other places to live, and Tuesday morning we got the JOYOUS news that we were. By Thursday, we had a signed a lease for a new place.

And no one has complained about him coughing in our house.


_____________________________
*SD= Short D*ck. Dude rents an apartment and leases a BMW. Hello, inadequacy. And the woman he's seeing? Yeah. I think she puts her hair on each morning. IT'S NOT THE 80'S. Put down the Aquanet and step away from the curling iron.

**I realize that cigarettes are frowned upon. But if you've been following our saga, you'll understand why I've chosen not to directly attack this vice. Yet.

***Six Million Dollar Man? Yeah, go google it if you don't know.

****There were a few apartments rented by a local continuing behavioral/mentally-challenged private school for the former students who can't legally stay on the property anymore.