However, before we got our autobahn on, we decided that it was worth it to stop at the Swarovski Kristallwelten. Hmm. Have you ever seen this on the discovery channel or the like? It's built in the ground and a museum.
Of sorts.
If I thought that I had previously experienced bizarre, that paled in comparison to this. Now, the entrance was fine. They were showing off with several reproductions of famous painting and original pieces reproduced in crystal, as well having both the largest crystal and the small crystal in the world in the room. And that was the last normal thing in there.
The next room was some sort of holographic bizarre display that you had to stand through and probably would have been more fascinating had I been dead stoned. (And I don't smoke.) Then we passed into the crystal dome which had perfect, and I mean PERFECT acoustics. It would make even Ashley Simpson sound like she could sing. It was actually the most interesting of the rooms. We left and passed a room that had an all crystal tree in an alcove and into some sort of floor projected kaleidoscope.
Next was the Theater of the Bizarre, I mean the Crystal Theater. In here, were supposedly reproduction of scenes from famous operas. Or that's the interpretation I took away from it. We ran out of this room because there was this weird mind control music playing. We were led into the ice passage which pales in comparison to being in a real ice cavern* and kept moving. About this time, we realized that this was getting more and more strange as we went along...
Then came the Eno Room. As in Brian Eno, founder of Roxy Music. Now this sounded like it might, might be interesting. Wrong. It was, following the theme, bizarre. It was a completely dark room with three shapes projected on a wall and provided you uncomfortable chairs in which to ponder these shapes. Eyeah. Moving on.
... to the strangest, to my way of thinking, room of all. The Giant's Belongings. Now, this would have been ok, if they had kept everything in scale. But the scale used for each piece was different and, AND, they chose to have a Very Large Accordion in the corner that was supposedly supply the music. Run. Just run.
The next room was cool. It was called The Floating Poem and it projected a poem in down each crystal of what looked like spiral chandelier. It was an awful poem, but I liked the idea of it. Next was the Crystal Forest. I didn't get it. At all. There were tubes hanging from the ceiling projecting squares of blue on the floor... I'm shaking my head remembering it. Then there was world networking was a really neat spinning globe that might have been quite profound if I had been able to understand German.
Somewhere a lot the way we passed a huge fiber optic octopus, too. Just kind of laying in the hallway.
You are, naturally, let out into one of their stores, and you can browse for all things Swarovski. And while I liked the crystal, it was time for us to move on. Though not before we went through one of the most disappointing mazes ever. Perhaps if there had been leaves on the bushes it would have been more of challenge, but we were in and out in less than five minutes.
And then-- ON TO LUZERN!
Ok, so we're supposed to drive from Innsbruck, Austria to Luzern Switzerland via Lichtenstein and stop for lunch in said country. Well, the best way to go is to take this tunnel. I like tunnels.
I didn't like this tunnel. It was 22 Km long and full of the worst diesel smoke ever. It cost us E20 to go through it too. I would rather have tried my hand at the pass to get over the mountains than this thing, though T swears that I wouldn't have been able to handle it. Like the tunnel was fun?
A word about the Swiss: they love tunnels, and in some places I can see the reason for them. People have been living on these mountains and plains for thousands of years so why displace them for a road. But in the middle of nowhere, tunnel after tunnel. To the point where tunnels now make me cringe.
Soon after the tunnel is the exit that we have to take to get to Lichtenstein. We get off and my darling my love my husband the weirdo decides that he's going to play the Funkiest thing that Feldkirche has ever heard on the iPod.
He puts on the Bertha Butt Boogie, quickly followed by The Troglodyte. Thereby planting the Bertha Butt Boogie firmly in our heads for the rest of this trip.
FanTASTic!
So, after torturing ourselves with pinnacle of horrible 70s funk, we are now approaching the Lichtenstein border, and T is hoping for a really cool check point into the country, as it's not part of the European Union.
"Guttentag."
"Good day."
"Englisch? Ja. Where are you headed?"
"Switzerland."
"Don't forget to buy your road tax sticker. Have a nice day."
A moment later, T: "That's it? That's the world most disappointing checkpoint!"
So we pull into this little store and buy a road tax sticker (which cost E40 and she wasn't very happy about selling it to us!) and we were off again, into quaint wonderful little Lichtenstein.
Here's another Swiss quirk. They LOVE the freakin' circles. LOVE them. Circles, roundabouts, rotaries, what you want to call them. And since the Lichtenstienians are a breed of Swiss, they too have them. Now, rotaries in the US are a free for all. In Europe, they are NOT. NOT. NOT. You yield to the left, and only go after that person has decided what they are doing.
I did not know this yet, as I had only encountered once circle and there was no one there to share it with. Well, I got the European equivalent of the Jersey (New Jersey) Salute by a Lichtensteinian who didn't appreciate my lack of knowledge on how to negotiate one of these things.
We decided to hightail it out of there. And anyway, there wasn't even a donner kebab place to be seen anywhere in Vaduz.
So, may I present:
The Only Picture You Will Ever Need to See of Lichtenstein:
You may now proceed to Switzerland. Thank you.
After leaving Lichtenstein, you immediately find yourself in the Appenzel region of Switzerland. And since we were deprived of food and rest in Lichtenstien, we had to pee, something bad. We find the first rest stop, about 30 minutes later and pull in. It's actually quite a beautiful view, with a huge mountain and glacial lake below.
This is where I learned that the French language really does include the word "Pissoir". There it was, emblazoned on the men's room of the rest stop. We use the bathrooms (quickly) and decide to check out the little shop there that was nothing but a greasy spoon and one or two cheesy souvenirs.
However, across the road from us was a palatial rest stop that looked ever so inviting and clean and filled with food. We saw no way across. After a moment of staring, we sighed, got back into the car, and drove off. Not that much later we did come across another rest stop and had one of the most disappointing meals of the trip. I think I had lettuce.
So, we're on to Luzern! We were planning to get there and find a little hotel to stay in. Perhaps in town? Perhaps out by the Famous Mt. Pilatus. A bit to eat is on the agenda as well.
Here's another free tip: never go into a town without a goddamned map and some kind of destination in mind. Driving aimlessly around a medieval town that became a famous resort in the 1800s will get you nothing.but.frustrated. And Lost. We mustn't forget lost.
Somehow, in the wandering through what I'm sure was a lovely town, really!, we managed to get all the way to the other side of the lake on about 1/4 tank of gas. I found out here that my French wasn't so hot anymore, but didn't reveal with to T, and that I still had no command of German. Thankfully, holding up three fingers to indicate 'pump 3' will still allow the clerks to know what pump you were at and how much you owe.
We turn around, and head right back into town. Now it's getting late, I'm getting really aggravated, tired and hungry, and we're about to snap each other's heads off. We drive straight through the center of what I'm sure was a really lovely town, and out the other side, hunting for the Famed Mt. Pilatus.
On the way, we pass a sign for an Ibis hotel. Another chain that we are aware of. We find the cable car departure for the mountain and nod. We're happy we've found it.
We head directly back to this Ibis in the middle of nowhere, with no one in the parking lot. We walk through what looks for all the world like a porn outlet into the lobby of this hotel, and up to the desk.
"Guttentag."
"Guttentag," I respond. "We'd like a room for the night."
"Ah, I am sorry, but we are booked."
T and I look at each other. There was no one around this hotel, there was no one in the parking lot, there was no one anywhere, and they were booked? Also, please realize-- it's just about 8 o'clock, and we're getting desperate for a place to sleep that night. I was ready to cry, and T started to walk away, but a desperate idea formed.
"Do you know of any other hotels that might have rooms available?"
"Ah, yes... Pilatusblick should have a few room still."
"Thank you."
Imagine. I actually thought to ask before we left if there was another hotel we could try.
Pilatusblick, down the road, through about 1000 more traffic circles, did indeed have room and also had a restaurant. We had a plain, clean room, and plain, filling dinner and hit the bed like there was nothing else to do. Which there wasn't.
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*story to come in a few blogs.
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