The German Blogs: Attention Passengers!

Your flight to Frankfurt International Flugelhaffen or something will be departing in approximately twenty hours. Thanks to the glories of modern technology, we have called you and informed you that you may now CHECK IN for your flight electronically.

In addition to this miracle of technology, you are now are required to show up only and hour and a half before your flight to drop off your bags and show your passports.

You will be served one of our gourmet meals as soon as we're not climbing straight up so that by the time the 4th or 5th hour of your flight rolls around, you'll be so hungry that our complimentary pillows start looking like tasty marshmallows. The jackass infront of you will put their chair in recline before you have a chance to adjust for this, and will have said gourmet meal shoved into your lower gut. No doubt about 3 or 4 hours into flight you just about have fallen asleep when you will jostled awake by turbulence, and possibly by the remains of your drink falling off your tray table onto your lap.

Approximately 6 hours into your flight, you will lose all feeling in your left leg and have no choice to but to vault over the sleeping body of the person next to you in hope of saving said foot from aputation.

Also about this time you may or may not suffer a rousing bout of diarrhea from our gourmetmeal. You also find that you are not the only one contending with Montezuma upon entering our luxurious and spacious restroom facilities.

We won't bother to warn you about landing either so that unless someone is pay attention and looking out the window and happens to say, "Hey isn't that the runway?" everyone will start screaming thinking that we are in a head spin and ready to crash.

Thank you for hurtling over the Atlantic in a small metal tube. Enjoy your vacation.